The Boy Badgers are of an age that they love to tattle. They tattle on each other, "Mommy, he HIT me!"; they tattle on Mommy, "Daddy, Mommy's STILL not out of bed!"; they tattle on inanimate objects, "Mommy, the toilet is dirty, AGAIN!". And all of it is done in a sing-song voice and punctuated with earnestness. They are our family's new morality police. I remember from my own childhood, and from watching Goodfellas, that tattling is wrong. One shouldn't rat out one's friends. And so I consistently preached, "Don't tattle! Telling on someone isn't nice!". I believed this is what I was supposed to do, and, honestly, it was easier than the alternative. I didn't have to get up off the couch and thoroughly investigate situations if I could just write them off with a quick, "Don't tell on him!". Short-cut parenting always works out, right?
Hah. One day Little Brother Badger caught Baby Badger standing on a chair in the kitchen and called for me to come and get her, "Mommy, baby is being BAD!". I got there just in time to catch her before she fell on her head. So, telling worked here. I gave LBB an M&M and thanked him for helping keep his sister safe. Then, Big Brother Badger told on his little brother when LBB was attempting to climb the shelves in the basement. Another trip to the ER averted, good job! M&M's for everyone except LBB...and me. I felt like I was giving conflicting messages. Sometimes it's okay to tell, sometimes not. To an adult, it seems relatively cut and dry. When someone is in danger, or is endangering others, it is correct behavior to tell Mommy. Alternatively, when someone has just grabbed a train toy because someone else stepped on his foot because the first someone threw a sippy cup, then Mommy probably doesn't want to hear about it. Cut. And. Dry. However, the Little Badgers are young. I think that they can infer, in certain situations, that there might be danger involved, but I can't count on their judgment, and I shouldn't. I also know that, try as I might, I can't be everywhere at all times, so an extra pair of eyes is helpful. In both of the "danger-averted" moments above I was helping a boy on the potty or changing a diaper in another room. I need to somehow let the Little Badgers know that it is okay to tell, but not to tattle. Good luck to me in getting that subtlety across.
A potential solution is for me to altogether stop yelling at them to not tell on each other. I would accept the 98% tattling, 2% telling proportion in order to keep the 2%. But, I don't think this solution works at school, or on playdates. I don't want my kid to be the one running to the teacher every five minutes tattling on so-and-so for this-and-that. I recently talked to a Mommy friend of mine who expressed having the same problem. Her daughter had told on Big Brother Badger as he was running with a stick at the park. My friend's first response was to tell her daughter not to be a tattle-tale, but then she paused. BBB could have hurt himself or someone else. So, we had a conversation about what we should do in these situations, and, to be honest, we came up empty. Consistency was not the answer, and subtlety seemed presently out of reach, given the children's ages.
So, I feel as though I am winging it. Parenting on the fly. I hate this feeling; I am one for a clear set of rules and consistency and routine. So far, I've been trying to augment the "Don't tattle!" with a discussion about working things out, and adjust the "Thank you for telling me!" to a discussion of why it is good to look out for one's family. This strategy is resulting in a lot of discussing, and even my eyes start to glaze over sometimes. Welcome to gray-scale parenting. Can't wait for the birds and the bees.
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