Does being average mean you've failed?

Have you gotten the feeling that the term "average" is equated to failing in the Mommy-verse?  If you're not covered in superlatives, you're dismissed as average.  Kind of a smugly derisive way of letting you know that you're not up to snuff.  But with all the complexity of life, how do we even know what average means?  Who gets to judge?  Does it mean that doing your best is not good enough, if it doesn't result in some tangible measure of excellence, some demonstrable example of how you are better than your peers?

I think that all too often, the tangible measure ends up being created for the sole purpose of shaming other Mommies.  We all know these vocal strivers of the Mommy world.  They may stay home with their kids, or work 80-hour weeks, but they will make sure you know that whatever they do is better than what you do.  They may homeschool, or eat all organic, or have a fancy nanny who speaks 3 languages.  They may put their kids in front of educational programming on TV for hours a day, or shun peanut butter, or let discipline go wild, or force their kid to practice the piano for hours at a time.  But they will let you know about it.  And they will insist that their particular view of excellence is indeed the correct one.  You see, the metrics of parenting can be a little vague.  How does one know that one's kid is better than his or her peers?  More likely than not it's because one is (loudly) insisting on it.

So, if you aren't busy out-shouting and one-upping the other parents in the room, you may be viewed as just being average.  The other parents, arguing over the right kind of diaper, may take a quick break to glance at you and shake their heads.  Obviously, she's one of those average parents.  Her kid's going to end up at a state university.

I've been there, in that room, waiting for my kid to finish swimming class or whatever, and listening to a group of Mommies heatedly talk back and forth.  I won't call it conversing, because they really weren't listening to each other.  And they also weren't too interested in watching their kid participate in his or her activity.

I suppose I would be considered an average parent when it comes down to things like food choices, use of hand sanitizer, early language classes, or other potential bragging categories.  But what about the intangible measures of excellence as a parent.  The ones you can't brag about.  Like listening to your child and letting him or her see the pride on your face.  Like being there for your child and being a good example.  Like trying your very best every day as a parent and enjoying the experience.  Like actually having fun watching your child's swim class instead of getting into it with some other mothers over who made the best work-life choices.

So, there you go.  I don't know if being judged as average really means anything at all, or if it's just a reflection of different priorities and measures of success.  Or, if I'm being less generous, just a way for some insecure folks to get through the day.