Empathy

Have you noticed that young children have a great capacity for recognizing when others are upset, or sad, or scared?  They recognize strong emotion and are deeply affected by it.  Even when that emotion is on TV or in a movie.  I felt terrible when, during a movie (G-rated, folks!), I turned around and saw Big Brother Badger in tears because of something happening on screen.  He was watching a scene where a daddy lion is chasing after his baby son, who has just been snatched up by some humans.  As adults, most people would be saying, "oh, sure, he'll find him again before the movie's over".  As a child, my son was feeling the daddy lion's anguish as he saw his baby being taken away. Oh, my!  I stopped the movie and had a talk with my Little Badger.  I tried to explain things like the plot line, and how it's just a story, etc., etc.  But the simple fact was that he felt that character's pain and that was it.

So what happens to us as adults?  Do we lose the ability to empathize, or does it just get buried under layers and layers of defense mechanisms?  Why do we tend to see impassivity as a strength and empathy as a weakness?  I'll tell you, I used to be as jaded as they come.  I almost aspired to it.  I watched Sophie's Choice and Jaws and didn't blink.  I took pride in rolling my eyes at tear-jerker scenes in movies.  I cracked sarcastic jokes.  I refused to cry.  Ever.

Then I had kids.

Now, I can't watch anything.  I bawl my eyes out at TV advertisements for St. Jude donations as well as Hallmark commercials and that Pampers ad with the violin last year?  Bah!

I think my children saved me.  Empathy for others is something that is so important.  It affects everything from how you deal with other drivers on the road to how you tip your waitress to how you vote.  I feel strongly, and I think it has helped make me a better person.  I'm more gentle, more patient.  I try to put myself in another's shoes.

The flip side of this is not just feeling when others are hurting, but also excitement and joy and wonder.  Most of the time it takes very little to make a child smile or laugh.  It takes very little to make a child's eyes widen with amazement.  After I've spent time around my children I find myself watching clouds, and getting excited when a train rolls by, and enjoying a silly joke.  I am relaxed.  I'm not worrying about appearing weak for displaying the tears and the laughter or showing concern for another.

It's not just learning from my children's example, it's also recognizing the depth of love I have for them.  While voting today, I thought about how mothers see the world a little differently.  We see a bit more clearly the joy and the pain.  The potential and the damage.  We feel, and with that feeling comes fear, but also hope.

Thanks for the save, kids, I won't let you down.