Little Brother Badger and I are at an interesting point in our relationship.
Basically, anything I want him to do, he desires to do the opposite. When he wakes up, I ask him to go potty. He refuses, just before the point of wetting his pants, and then stalks into the bathroom angrily. When he has breakfast, I ask him to use a "big-boy" cup, and eat his cereal, and stay seated at the table, and stop hitting his brother. He insists on drinking from a sippy cup, ignoring his food while standing on his chair and flinging his spoon at Big Brother Badger. When, for lunch, I make him a special peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich without crusts, he ignores my effort and complains that his apples still have their peels on them. He demands a certain color of socks after I've already picked out others. He argues with me about getting into the bath, and then out of it.
He ignores me when I speak sternly. He laughs at me when I try to be nice. He pouts through his time-outs, and informs me that "Me want my Daddy!" when I tell him that I love him.
I know that I shouldn't take a two-year-old too seriously, but this is starting to affect my self-esteem. Why does he fight me on everything? Why does he shun things that I know he enjoys in order to make a point of defiance?
He is so precious, and sensitive, loyal to his brother and gentle to his little sister. And all I want to do is cuddle him. He is two! I thought that this intransigent phase would come when he was a teenager, at least, or even in his twenties. So what to do? Part of me wants to indulge him, to let him have what he wants. I reason that if he feels like he has control over his life and choices, he will feel more relaxed and happy overall. He will no longer have a need to fight me. And it's easier for a Mommy to indulge. The other part of me frowns and says, "HE IS TWO!". He needs discipline. He needs to recognize boundaries. It is harder for a Mommy to play the bad cop. I make an effort at the latter, but sneak in enough of the former for my heart's sake.
My heart versus my brain in a battle royale. Guess which one is winning?
It sounds like you have great instincts! I have been working with 2yr olds for 15yrs now and if there's one thing they are good at it's testing boundaries. your right to stick to your guns, but your also right that having choices makes a child feel more in control and happier. In my class room I like to give choices like what songs would you like to sing today (after we get through story time, or what color ring would you like to hold (when we line up to go to the playground and they must hold a ribbon with rings to walk out). the key is offer as many choices that have no consequence for you but make them feel good. At the table you could perhaps ask, what chair would you like to SIT in? I'm not all rainbows either BTW, in my classroom if you stand on a chair you lose the right to sit in it. (a few minutes later I give them the choice to sit in chair again, 90% of the time that works) Good Luck
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