Little Stings

I remember going to the doctor for my checkup a couple months ago and getting my flu shot.  The nurse always says, "It's just a little sting!".  It is, really, just a prick.  I've gone through some physically uncomfortable things in my life so far (running a marathon, natural childbirth, a full-on Brazilian bikini wax), so I feel pretty dumb for the rush of anxiety I felt as I watched the nurse prep the needle.  But even little stings can hurt.

Stings aren't restricted to needles, either.  Emotional stings can hurt, too.  Especially if a bunch of them show up all one after another.  Like today, for example.  You may have read about my ongoing battle with Little Brother Badger.  Well, this morning it continued with him refusing to give me a hug or a kiss until Daddy River Badger loudly insisted on it.  Ouch.  Then, I caved and got a really unhealthy fast food breakfast on the way to work.  While walking to my office, someone noticed and commented, "You really eat a lot of fast food.".  Ouch.  Later, I overheard someone happily describing an interview she had gotten the day before.  It was with a company to which I had sent a resume a while back.  Ouch, again.  This combined with some lingering little stings.  My Mom has been asking me a lot if I'm okay.  What's worse is that my sister, who is brilliantly handling newborn twins, also concernedly asks if I'm okay.  What?  Should be situation reversed, right?  She's got two brand new babies on her hands whereas I do not.  Bah.

So, I know that a lot of this has to do with my own self-perception.  All these things separately are not game-changers.  LBB is a two-year-old testing his boundaries.  I do eat too much fast food.  I knew I may not have the kind of specialized experience that particular company (or a bunch of others) is looking for.  I haven't been trying very hard to look nice lately, and I know it's showing.  But it is still hard to hear from others, even indirectly, and little stings can add up to one big hurt pretty quickly when you're feeling down about yourself.  I am wallowing, but I have enough fight left in me to recognize that the buck stops here when it comes to making changes.

I think that I better start dealing with this hurt.  Wallowing is never good, and especially when I've got three pairs of little eyes watching me.  I am an example, and I don't want the example to be how I am right now.  I think I need to counter the little stings with little steps.  Like, stop eating the f*%king fast food!  Re-tool the resume and work it.  Appreciate that I've got a loving and concerned mother and sister.  Give kisses, hugs, and steady loving discipline to Little Brother Badger.  Choices all through the day, adding up to a surplus, instead of a deficit.  Let's git'er done!