There's a familiar dance that happens between myself and Daddy River Badger, especially on weekends, when it comes time for running errands, cleaning, doing yard work, or anything around the house that might benefit from avoiding little "helpers". The dance begins with a brief survey of the situation, proceeds with a bit of groveling, and then finishes with a flourish of desperate negotiation. "Would you mind if I...." becomes the start of, at the least, a stressful silence, and at the worst, an argument.
We don't even hold out for the good stuff. Some time to fool around on Facebook? A short trip to Starbucks? A really long shower? Nope. We get into it for stuff like cleaning the back room. Fixing the toilet. Grocery shopping. Making dinner. And for all of those things, somehow one person gets "stuck" with the kids and the other person does the chores, and both are angry and frustrated. Essentially, we would bargain, and no one would win.
But why the desperation in the first place? Weekends represent a break from the daily grind of the week, for sure, and perhaps the hope of some progress in the chores department. But why the exclusiveness? I thought about this the other day while I was looking at my "to-do" list and the three Little Badgers played in the next room. Truly, attempting to clean something while the children are present can be more of a comedic effort than an actual task, but what made me most guilty was that we assumed that there was no way we could possibly do insert chore here with the kids in tow. We had given up before really trying.
The past few weeks of being a SAHM have been revelatory in many ways, but the most amazing experiences have involved working with the children, instead of in spite of them. I actually can, with full Little Badger participation, cook dinner, take down the Christmas decorations, rake leaves, clean the fish tank, do laundry, even take the cat to the vet. And it's fun!
Yesterday, Baby Badger wanted me to hold her when I was making dinner. My first impulse was to try to distract her to the other room with a toy, but I threw caution to the winds and set up a little area for her, right next to me, where she could see what I was doing and play with a few measuring cups herself. We had so much fun together, and the only skin off my back was being extra careful not to let her reach over to the hot stove. Doing the laundry has always been something that I "had to do when the kids are in bed". Then, I tried to involve them. Little Brother Badger and Baby helped put clothes in the washer and press the buttons. Big Brother helped me fold. Sure, a few clothes got dropped on the floor, and Baby knocked over the cat water, but it was not nearly the exercise in futility I had been expecting. Why had I been so eager to keep them out of these activities? Was the extra work here and there, for me, really that bad?
So, I think we, DRB and I, couldn't see the forest for the trees, so bent on getting things done our way, and as efficiently as possible, we were missing out on opportunities to work together as a family. It's almost like we were settling for frustration, for an argument, for control of something, instead of reaching for the possibility of inclusiveness, of learning. I like to think that I'm a good Mom, but I also know I appreciate the on-the-job training. And I can say I really learned something important here.
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