Threats and Bribes

Oh, my, the back-and-forth of parenting.  You can think of the whole of a parent's day as a series of threats and bribes, depending on mood and circumstance.

Threat: "If you hit him again, you'll have to go to bed early!"
Bribe: "If you put your shoes on, I'll let you bring a toy in the car!"

You can imagine that both of these things could be uttered within minutes of each other, in completely different tones of voice and within steadily increasing desperation level.

And this is the treacherous dance of parenting.  How to get to an end goal (getting to an appointment on time, making it through Ikea in one piece, avoiding food all over the floor at dinner) while maintaining authority, yet not turning into a screaming, desperate creature that turns heads at the mall.  And it really gets tricky when more than one kid is involved, because from an early age they watch carefully for signs of weakness shown to another.

Yelling at home is one thing, but yelling in public is something else entirely, and they know it instinctively.  I remember pulling the Boy Badgers out of the van in our driveway while almost nine months pregnant with their sister.  They had been in foul moods the entire trip, and were really on my last nerve.  So, I yelled.  Loud.  And, of course, my sweet, kind, elderly neighbors were outside their house staring at me right at that moment.  Smile and wave, folks, smile and wave.

And discipline in the store can be a delicate balance.  You want to demonstrate that you are not bothered by normal pouting and fussing.  You are in charge.  At least until your two-year-old starts using the dog commands that Grandma taught him...on you.  "Sit, Mommy!  Stay!"  All with imperious gestures, in his dog-training German voice, in the middle of Target.  Isn't he cute, folks?

I think that things get hardest when parents are trying their best.  We are mindful of our actions and words, as it all goes into those little ears, being processed and stored and shaping them as functioning people.  We try to do what we say, as well as just say it.  And we beat ourselves up daily for any mistake.  At night, when I go to bed, I think about what I did that day as a parent, and how I could have done it better, and I try to judge how badly I've screwed up the Little Badgers' fragile little egos.  I rarely give myself any slack.  And here starts another set of threats and bribes.

Threat: "If you keep giving him milk in the middle of the night, he'll know he can get away with anything and will be spoiled!"
Bribe: "If you just try harder, they will be Happy Kids, and you will be a Good Mommy!"

At least my methods are consistent, right?  So, what to do?  Just keep dancing, I guess, and maybe try not to get too worked up if I occasionally miss a step or two.